


Blood and Honey

by ShannynFaucheux



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alcohol, And I definitely do not write in character, And that is for a reason, Angst, Can you see the potential, Cigarettes, Crossdressing, Drugs, Erika is a drag king, Harassment, Haruki Murakami would write this better than me :'D, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jazz Music, M/M, Music, Music Band, Orphanage, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prostitution, Psychological Drama, Repressed Memories, Sad, Shiki is twenty years old in this btw, Stories from the streets, Swearing, The story is in 3rd POV just the summary isn't., This is definitely an AU but I don't know how to name it, Violence, Yakuza, and Izaya's roommate, but hey, night life, so tastefully OOC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-09 09:04:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15264069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShannynFaucheux/pseuds/ShannynFaucheux
Summary: The first time I saw him, a pink neon light was falling onto his blonde wig, and onto his lips that were reflecting a ghostlike smile.. I knew that smile could only be dangerous as a rose’s thorn.. And he also knew it;He knew that most of the time, it is the rose that is dangerous, not it’s thorn. Because the thorn hurts, but the rose can be beautiful. Dangerously. Heavenly.But then he lifted those heavy lashes and looked at me, he lifted the veil on heaven, and a drop of blood dripped on honey. The magnificence of that primitive colour; Red, pierced through me right there, under a cheap pink neon light, in a district crawling in lust..I said to myself; ‘ Now, Shiki, now you’re fucked. ‘





	1. It was a night of June...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Now, I am still working on the eleventh chapter of You're the Deepest Ocean. But since I don't have a dictionary under my hand, and I have very limited internet nowadays, I figured that eleventh chapter is going to take longer than I expected. But to not lose the pulse of the fandom, I decided to publish a side-work, to brush up my English skills, and to see if the fandom would be interested in a work like this. I wrote this chapter over three months ago, I was going to publish this after my main series was over but... y'know.. writer's block.
> 
> You know me, I don't write in character, because I experiment. In this fic, I want characters that aren't 'one dimensional'. I want them to be as human as possible. I explained further at the end notes.
> 
> So give it a go and see it for yourself. My first chapters are always the weakest ones , but if you like it , my mailbox is open just like my heart.
> 
> Notes; Teinei-go; Is basically the Japanese polite language.  
> I haven't proof read this, but I'll probably edit things when I get stable internet.

                                                                            Blood and Honey

 

Ch.1; _It was a night of June.._

 

_The first time I saw him, a pink neon light was falling onto his blonde wig, and onto his lips that were reflecting a ghostlike smile.. I knew that smile could only be dangerous as a rose’s thorn.. And he also knew it;_

_He knew that most of the time, it is the rose that is dangerous, not it’s thorn. Because the thorn hurts, but the rose can be beautiful. Dangerously. Heavenly._

_But then he lifted those heavy lashes and looked at me, he lifted the veil on heaven, and a drop of blood dripped on honey. The magnificence of that primitive colour; Red, pierced through me right there, under a cheap pink neon light, in a district crawling in lust.._

_I said to myself; ‘ Now, Shiki, now you’re fucked. ‘_

 

[Kabukichō](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kabukich%C5%8D,_Tokyo), Shinjuku;

 

Too much colour, too many lights; A crowd of people passed the two prostitutes leaning to the window of a foreign plate car, then oversaw the blue amphetamine pills exchanged between the hands of two young boys in a dark alleyway.

Two young gangsters passed the host and hostess clubs, numerous love hotels, taxi’s and oversized billboards. It seemed to Haruya Shiki that; The prussian blue sky sparkling with little stars above them was the only thing pure, and the ever-so-slightly cold breeze of June was the only fresh thing in this too heavy street.

A conversation was exchanged between the two gangsters as they turned towards a slightly less crowded street;

 

      -‘’ People want fresh blood in the market y’know. I don’t see why Awakusu doesn’t want to do business with the foreigners. It is a waste of opportunity if you ask me..’’ Hajime Ren said as they passed a streetlight. It was summer, the bright yellow of the streetlight was a desired place for the butterflies and fireflies that appear in the night.  
      -‘’ No one asks you, Ren. That’s the point-‘’ Shiki replied; ‘’- You’re twenty two, I’m twenty. Our fathers might mean a lot for the Yakuza but that doesn’t make you _someone_. Not yet, at least. ‘’  
      -‘’ You’re good with the eldery, you could maybe offer some ideas-‘’

 

Shiki cut his blood brother’s sentence; ‘’- No. You see these?- ‘’ He lifted the fingers on his left hand to Ren’s face; ‘’- I would like to keep these, therefore I keep my nose out of the businesses I have no job with. I suggest you the same. ‘’

‘’- You’re no fun, Shiki. ‘’ Ren said as he blinked to a girl eyeing at him from the corner of a yet another love hotel. 

 

Shiki extended a hand to take out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket, but then his attention went to the voices coming from the alleyway hiding in the pavement across;

 

 _-’' Pulling out a knife on my brother, ha?- ‘’ The man angrily held the other person’s arm and slammed him to the poorly painted wall of a building. The other snapped back;_  
_-''He asked me what I had in my pants, and I showed him, whatever your problem?- ‘’ He then muttered under his breath; ‘’- fucker..’’_

 

Shiki held out a hand to Ren’s chest and stopped him. There were three guys – two of them appearing very young- circling a woman with a light pink dress and dark blonde hair, clearly threatening her. 

 

_-‘’ Swearing ha?-‘’ The man squeezed the other’s throat. He ignored the long nails instinctively biting on his flesh and added; ‘’- I have an another knife for you, one that could fill that pretty mouth of yours, ha? ‘’_

 

Ren leaned his back to a streetlight and watched his brother as he passed the cars and walked to the alleyway.

 

‘’-What’s going on in here?'’ Shiki walked towards them and asked. The man turned his head and gave a vague look at Shiki. His right hand was slowly sliding to the end of the light pink dress;

‘’- Not your business. Now get l-‘’ But before he completed his sentence, Shiki landed a quite sturdy punch to the man, causing him to immediately lose his balance. After that, Shiki looked at the other two;

 

‘’ – Do you happen to know the country we’re in? Harassing a woman, is that appropriate now? ‘’ He asked, his right hand still in a fist, and brows clenched.

Seeing the end of a tattoo on the side of Shiki’s arm, the other two took a step back and bowed rapidly; ‘’- N-No. Definitely not ‘’ One of them stuttered.

 

‘’- Good. Get the fuck out of my face now- ‘’ Shiki said, then looked at the man –still- crawling on the ground; ‘’- Take this scum too. ‘’ The two didn’t even hesitate, they practically dragged their friend out of the scene.

‘’- Now these are raising..’’ Shiki muttered under his breath and looked at the woman; ‘’- Are you okay? ‘’

 

The other’s face was hidden inside _her_ blond _e_ hair. _She_ nodded, almost shyly, implying an ‘I’m okay ‘. She then bit her bottom lip and fixed the creases on her dress.

‘’- What was their problem with you? ‘’ Shiki asked.

With that, _she_ looked at him, a certain kind of sadness, one that Shiki couldn’t really decipher was lying inside her.. _red_ eyes. But she didn’t say anything. Shiki had to admit, it took him some time to realise;

‘’- Oh..’’

 

_It wasn’t she._

_He._

_They didn’t have any problem with him. Just his dress._

 

‘’- I see..’’ Shiki nodded, turning his eyes to the pavement. The other, however, wasn’t slow to realize the man was involved in some kind of a yakuza, he saw the barely hidden tattoo underneath the midnight blue shirt he was wearing, and the golden chain on his neck was catching the pink light of a billboard near them. He looked about the same age as him.

 

He bowed to Shiki and spoke in _teinei-go_ ; ‘’- Thank you.. I work at Adezakura club nearby- ‘’ He pointed the street at his side; ‘’- I can buy you a few drinks and return your favor if you decide to visit me there. I’m.. Kanra. ’’ He said and turned to walk to the other street, quickly squeezing his petite sculpture to the crowd and disappearing.  A breeze ran past Shiki.

* * *

 

Shiki returned to Ren; ‘’- Sorry about that ‘’ He murmured and the two started walking again. Ren was gazing at Shiki with a smug grin on his face. Understanding the meaning of it, Shiki opened his hands to his both sides and gave a slight shrug;

 

    -‘’ What? I didn’t realize _she_.. was a man’’ He said, then his hand went to take a cigarette. Watching him, Ren’s mouth widened;  
    -‘’ Ohoo.. I know that way of pulling a cigarette. You’re intrigued didn’t y-‘’  
    -‘’ Now you read people’s minds from the way they take a cigarette?- ‘’ With the unlit cigarette stuck in between his first two fingers, Shiki replied back.  
    -‘’ We grew up together, Shiki. You can’t fool me..- ‘’ Ren threw his arm to Shiki’s shoulders, which made the other lift his right brow and count to himself. Ren added; ‘’- But I don’t mind y’know, this.. male thing. Others do it all the time, they just cover it up. God I was starting to think you were a monk or an hermit or something-‘’  
    -‘’ Why? ‘’  
    -‘’ You know..- ‘’ Ren swirled his hand and looked for the right word; ‘’- Because of your lack of.. _women_. But you started from _somewhere_ , so I guess it’s fine.’’

 

Shiki replied with his eyes and took Ren’s arm off of him. He then proceeded to take a lighter and lit his cigarette.

At the same time, Ren was trying to hide his giggling; ‘’- You know.. your brother can spot a fake wig from ten meters ahead-‘’

‘’- Yeah because you’re practically breathing in this street. ‘’ Shiki muttered under his breath.

‘’- But you were so clueless. Still, in your defense, I have slept with women uglier than him as far as I could see. ‘’

 

 

The crowd was lessening, Shiki stayed quiet and smoked his cigarette as he thought about the jobs he had to do for the next day. A stray cat turned from the corner and got lost in the darkness. Shiki’s eyes trailed it, he didn’t like darkness.

He then escaped his eyes, causing his attention to slide back to Ren;

 

      -‘’ Stop giggling. Where was the address of the guy we’re going to get the money from? ‘’ He asked.  
      -‘’ The next street- ‘’ Ren put his hands to his pockets and waited for a moment before uttering his next sentence; ‘’- I saw you there, It’s rare for you to get violent this quickly. You usually listen before acting.. ‘’

 

Shiki pushed a round white rock with his shoe; ‘’- Who knows what’d happen to she.. I mean he..-‘’ He then stopped and threw his hands up in the air as in _‘ I don’t know.. I don’t fucking care_ ‘ and completed his sentence; ‘’- I got mad for a second and that’s it. ‘’

‘’- Exactly. ‘’ In a football-player-like manner, Ren catched the white rock with his own shoe and stopped in front of Shiki; ‘’- I didn’t see you this mad at something since that.. _cat thing_. What I mean is.. Is there something wrong? ‘’

 

Shiki huffed a laugh; ‘’- Don’t worry I’m not going to hang myself or somet- aow- ‘’ He hissed when Ren sent the rock towards his ankle; ‘’- _fuck_..’’ 

‘’- Not funny. Come on pass the rock.‘’ Ren took a step back and pointed the rock currently standing in between them. Shiki replied Ren’s grin with his own pissed off one and put off his cigarette;

‘’- You know what, fine- ‘’ He gave a rather harsh pass to Ren.

 

With that, their made-up football game with a piece of rock started inside the narrow streets of Kabukicho. Their audience were the illegal refugees, homeless Koreans and the poor children of the streets. The children joined them, until Ren and Shiki arrived to the next street and had to finish the game. Ren and Shiki squeezed couple hundred yen to the palms of the children before sending them away.

After that, Ren sat to the pavement and lit up a cigarette, they could borrow couple of minutes more. His brother followed as the children of the street started walking to the other direction, _to a direction where the two of them could not return anymore._

 ‘’- You’re still a child, Ren. I swear to God ‘’ Shiki said as he tried to catch his breath. He then dried up the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand.

 

Ren smirked and exhaled a trace of gray, it merged into the Van Gogh’s sky; ‘’- Aren’t we, still? ‘’ He asked.

 

Shiki sneaked a cigarette from Ren’s packet and nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite pursuing an education on Japanese language and literature, I've never been to Japan. So I don't guarantee you the 'exact living and traditions'.. I also don't want to. I don't want anything that can potentially limit my writing.  
> (Though I'd like to write this entire story in Shiki's POV. But generally, readers don't prefer 1st POV )
> 
> But I grew up in a town where prostitution and 'night life' is the main source of income for a large percentage of people. And where you have pimps and hustling, you also have mafia. 
> 
> At the nail salons and boutiques, I grew up listening to the stories of the 'sisters' -meaning, sex workers- , I listened to their dreams, their fears, their loves and all that.. And let me tell you, those are very strong women //and men//. And I respect that very much.
> 
> And this is how this story ( Along with House of the Rising Sun, where the things I just told you are composing the main theme) got inspired started, I hope I do good. Thank you.


	2. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has four parts in total. ( 4500+ words If I am not mistaken) The first part accentuates Shiki as the main character of this story. Then second and third parts are focusing on Izaya/Kanra and Shiki, but kind of from Shiki’s perspective. Lastly, fourth part is still on Izaya and Shiki, but from Izaya’s perspective.
> 
> Um.. at some parts, I tried to ‘show’ instead of openly ‘telling’ what the character was thinking or feeling. So.. sometimes, actions spoke louder than words lemme say..:D And btw, I foreshadow A LOT.  
> There are many song and book references, but I put their explanations to the end notes. I'll proof read this chapter after a coffee.
> 
> Vocab;  
> 1\. Abayo; It’s ‘goodbye’ in Japanese. But kind of the 'street' way of it, it's meaning is same as sayonara, but just the 'feel' of it is different. *nice dictionary, I know*  
> 2\. Konbanwa; Good evening.  
> 3\. Kanpai; ‘Cheers..’  
> 4\. Chinpira; Chinpira’s are like.. young members or ‘wannabees’ of the yakuza who are more ‘inclined’ to cause violence..  
> 5\. Ohayo; Good morning.

Ch 2;   _A Story From the Streets_

 

Next day, once again, Shiki was at Kabukicho to run some errands there; This was like a cycle that never knew how to finish; Collecting money, then delivering it, then coming back to this street to walk on the same pavement, around the same buildings. Just like a ghost. A nameless one, on top of that.

That’s how Shiki would define himself, he was a nameless ghost dragging it’s wind through the streets of Shinjuku, Tokyo, then Ikebukuro.. Then Shinjuku, back again.

Though since Ren was at lost –he was probably drinking somewhere- Shiki was by himself. He walked, sliding his figure just a little sideways, maybe unintentionally, away from the crowd. Tonight, he was a companion to stray dogs and cats, he walked under the dimmed lights of the alleyways..

 

.

.

.

Just as he was finished for the night, he felt a hand touching to his shoulder. He turned and saw a young male; He had a slightly darker skin colour contrasting to his blue eyes; He didn’t seem Asian.

He spoke with an heavy accent, pushing the ‘r’s and dragging some of the syllables;

 

     -‘’ S-Sir.. You’re in a Yakuza, right?- ‘’ He asked, then gave a quick bow; ‘’- My friends have been talking about you and your friend. You’ve helped them very much, thank you. ‘’  
     -‘’ It’s nothing- ‘’ Shiki took out his packet of cigarettes and offered one to the boy. The other accepted, as he was taking one cigarette, Shiki saw the bruises on his hand and dirt under his nails; ‘’- Where are you from? ‘’ Shiki asked as he extended a lighter to the boy;  
     -‘’ I’m from Tangier.. in..in Morocco ‘’  
     -‘’ I see ‘’ Shiki also lit a cigarette for himself.

 

In that short scenic break, the boy told the story of how he and his three sisters ended up in Japan, in slums, with no money. And Shiki listened; He liked to listen to people’s stories, he also liked to tell; Too bad most of these stories were too real, too heavy to soul.

‘’-… I want to be like you, I want to work for the Yakuza, sir. Show me a way, and I’ll walk.’’ The boy finally said, hope and courage could be read from his bright orbs.

 

There were less stars tonight. People crossing this street were mesmerised by the pink, green and yellow, maybe the stars took offense and left them. ‘’- Don’t do that. That’s not a way to go- ‘’ Shiki said to the boy, but before the other opened his mouth to object, he pointed the bench near them; ‘’- Come ‘’

 

Shiki bought two beers from a bar near them, then sat next to the boy; ‘’- How old are you, seventeen, eighteen? Look, I’m not saying you can’t work for yakuza, you can, and they probably would use you in a drug deal, then what if that drug deal goes wrong?- ‘’ _Like it does eighty percent of the time._ Shiki opened the beer bottle, then extended to the boy; ‘’- What is going to happen to your sisters? ‘’

The boy gulped down half of the liquid inside the bottle, then spoke; ‘’- But you- ‘’

 

Shiki stopped him; ‘’- I had no choice- ‘’ He said, then in a brotherly manner, threw an arm to the boy’s shoulders and made an eye contact with him; ‘’- Look, be smart. Go outside the city before your sisters falls into one of these hostess clubs, or you yourself be forced to play in porn films. Yakuza is in that industry too, you know right? ‘’

The boy gave a slight nod, Shiki counted some money, then slided them into the boy’s shirt pocket; ‘’- Go to Aomori for example. I know the fruit picking month will start soon, and the gardeners there need people to work with them. Besides, life is cheaper over there. You seem like a smart kid, you can manage ‘’

 

‘’- You think so.. sir?-‘’ The boy murmured. But from the looks of the little smile on his lips, Shiki’s plan sounded plausible to him. As Shiki was opening his own beer bottle, he asked; ‘’- How did you got into Yakuza, sir? If.. If you don’t mind me asking ‘’

 

Shiki contemplated in his head whether or not if he should be telling this lost child his story, but then wouldn’t this be like talking to a mirror?

 

 _‘’Ah the stories from the streets_  
_They make their way up to your window_  
_Re-awaken certain memories_  
_This way you re-live them again and again_

 _One will change into the other_ _  
Until you don't know what is real’’ – Sivert Hoyem, Stories From the Streets_

So Shiki lit up an another cigarette and fixed his gaze to the liquified crowd passing them; ‘’- I grew up in an orphanage. Just like you, I had no parents. Well.. _technically_ I had them, seems like they just.. left me for some reason- ‘’ He sipped from his beer and leaned his back to the bench;

‘’- Whatever.. Then a man decided to adopt me. As it turns out, he was a god damn Yakuza-‘’ He huffed an ironic laugh, causing the other to relax and laugh too; ‘’- And that’s how I found myself in this.. _pit_. ‘’

 

The boy looked at Shiki. Back in his homecountry, they would call man like him _‘ el hombre invisible’_. An invisible man, a little unsteady, a little is lost in his head; ‘’- You sound like you’re not pleased with your situation ‘’ He said.

Shiki released a trace of smoke and gifted it to the stars, so that they wouldn’t be cross with the humans drowning in sin and sorrow; ‘’- I would be content to fruit-picking, at least I’d see some sun there. It’s fucking midnight. And guess what I am doing here?- ‘’ He looked at the boy and grinned; ‘’- Telling my lifestory to a random guy ‘’ He said, then stood up and prepared to leave; ‘’- Abayo, then ‘’

 

Without waiting for the boy’s reply, Shiki started walking. The other looked at the shoulders of the _el hombre invinsible_ as he walked away, then after a faint wave of his hand, Shiki got lost in the crowd.

 

 

Ch 2.1; _Strangers in the Night_

 

The thing that made Shiki walk towards the Adezakura club after his encounter with the Moroccan boy.. Well.. he couldn’t tell you if you asked; Maybe he just wanted an attraction, something out of place, something out of harmony. _What would the elderly think if they learned he hooked with a crosdresser on a friday night?_ Shiki made a gesture to himself as in ‘ whatever..’ and walked.

 

 _‘’Strangers in the night_  
_Exchanging glances_  
_Wondering in the night_  
_What were the chances_  
_We'd be sharing love_  
_Before the night was through_?’’

 

A little later, he saw him at a bench at the park across the club. Under the layer of thin shawl he had on his shoulders, Shiki saw a tremble, but it didn’t look like a tremble of cold.

 

_And It was like the God have created him on a June’s night; He blended right into the scenery with his light pink dress and dark blonde wig. That pink, however, wasn’t a random pink; It was soft, like gelato. It accentuated the magnet he had inside those red orbs._

_Oh yes.. he was like a magnet. One that would make Shiki put everything on ablaze, even his heart, but he still wasn’t going to ‘reach’ to him anytime soon._

_One day, maybe months, maybe years later, he was going to tell him; ‘’ Even the sun came closer to Earth, you haven’t drew an inch towards me, Izaya. ‘’_

 

‘’- Konbanwa‘’ Shiki moved his shadow that the pearl moon on top of them was illuminating, and greeted him.

 _Kanra.._ that was what his name was, right? He turned his face to Shiki, and at the same time, brought his slender fingers to his face. Shiki watched as a driblet of tear slid down from his sangria coloured nails and got lost forever. He then smiled, easily recognizing him; ‘’- Hey..um.. would you like to go inside?- ‘’ He asked and pointed the club behind them with his index finger.

 

‘’- No need. It’s.. less noisy here- ‘’ Shiki replied and gestured the empty side of the bench; ‘’ May I? ‘’

‘’- Of course. ‘’

 

On that, Shiki sat next to him. With a short glimpse he sent from under his lashes, Kanra surveyed this young man beside him; He was wearing a black shirt, a matching watch, and dark blue pants that were making him look more thinner than he actually was.

_But that unkempt hair and those desolate looking eyes were telling much more than his appearance._

 

Kanra tucked a piece of hair behind his ear and asked; ‘’- So.. what do you drink? I’ll bring it here ‘’

A breeze brought the soft smell of melon, _Kanra had such a fragrant skin_ ; ‘’- Whiskey. ‘’ Shiki replied.

 

‘’- Okay ‘’

.

.

 

Couple of minutes later, Kanra came back with a silver tray, two glasses, and a little bottle of whiskey. He put the tray in between them, then served the drinks with movements that were slow, small and elegant. After that, he raised his glass and asked; ‘’- And?.. what are we drinking for tonight? ‘’

His question made Shiki turn his head to the park under the veil of black midnight, and think if he had anything to drink for. So with the hand that holding the glass, he pointed the cat sleeping sound and safe under the tree across them; ‘’- You know what.. let’s drink to that cat ‘’ He said.

His absurd answer made Kanra chuckle a little; ‘’- Okay.. then this one is for you neko-san..-‘’ He gave a short glance at the cat, then brought his glass towards Shiki’s; ‘’- Kanpai ‘’

‘’- Kanpai. ‘’

 

After taking a sip from his drink, Kanra crossed his legs and started a conversation;

 

    -‘’ So.. Are you in a yakuza or something? ‘’  
    -‘’ Yeah..’’ Shiki gave a little nod, then looked at Kanra; ‘’- Impressed? ‘’  
    -‘’ Well.. not really.. since one of my friends got attacked recently by your..um- ‘’ Looking for the right word, Kanra brushed the lipstick mark on his glass; ‘’- Colleagues..’’ He then escaped his eyes, slightly concerned about the possibility of making the other angry. Shiki however, gave a vague look to the scenery and replied calmly;  
    -‘’ They were probably some chinpira’s or wannabees. Most of us don’t want unnecessary violence ‘’  
    -‘’ Maybe.. ‘’ Kanra quietly said.

 

After that, a silence wrapped itself around two of them. It wasn’t an uncomfortable one, it gave time to think, to figure out, and _to settle to the feel of one other’s presence_. Shiki’s eyes trailed the goosebumps Kanra had on his thin wrists; Where the laced shawl wasn’t covering. He then realized he had them too;  _‘ Funny..- ’ He thought, ‘ I don’t get cold easily..’_

 

 _‘’Strangers in the night, two lonely people_  
_We were strangers in the night_  
_Up to the moment when we said our first hello_  
_Little did we know_  
_Love was just a glance away, a warm embracing dance away_ ’’

 

Then Kanra turned his face and saw the look inside Shiki’s deep brown eyes, he understood that this man beside him spoke with his eyes, instead of using words. He understood and smiled, biting his bottom lip and lowering his face in a shy, almost defeated manner.

He said;

‘’- You don’t want _Kanra_..’’

 

 _‘’Something in your eyes_  
_Was so inviting_  
_Something in your smile_  
_Was so exciting_  
_Something in my heart told me I must have you_.. – Frank Sinatra, Strangers in the Dark

 

Shiki raised his right brow, then took out his packet of cigarettes and looked at him; ‘’- Maybe. ‘’ He said and offered a cigarette to Kanra. As the other was pulling a cigarette, Shiki journeyed inside those garnet red eyes that were looking as delicate as the petals of an hibiscus, but still, were fathomless, unreadable.. _And that was his cheap trick; He’d study people as they were doing something else, looking somewhere else, being someone else._

 _But how he was so unreadable when Shiki felt like Kanra was seeing through him like a bullet going right into his soul?_ Like a gentleman, Shiki lit up Kanra’s cigarette.

 

 _The crossdresser_ exhaled a long line of smoke with a sigh; ‘’- It’s weird actually. You know.. there are some guys are like, we go to his home and the next day they tell me they were too drunk so they didn’t realize it was a man they fucked.. and I would be like.. honey-‘’ He lifted his cigarette to the sky and talked to the stars; ‘’- You were drunk, not blind.. ‘’

He then turned his false lashes to brown eyed man; ‘’- You.. on the other hand.. ‘’ _Want the man under the wig._

Shiki tilted his head and opened his hands as in; ‘ _It’s what it is_ ‘

 

As he was contemplating the offer, Kanra was clinking the nails on his free hand onto the wood of the bench. Shiki watched the flaming tip of the cigarette as he brought it to his lips, then spoke; ‘’- Okay.. but since I am kind of short on money nowadays.. you have to pay me ‘’

‘’-Okay.‘’ Shiki nodded; ‘’- If that’s what you want ‘’

 

Without dropping that light smile, Kanra nodded back, then took out his phone and looked at the clock; ‘’- My shift ends around this time.. You can take me from here. Um.. is tomorrow okay for you? ‘’

‘’- Yes- ‘’ Shiki replied, then asked; ‘’- Should I arrange an hotel or.. would you like to come to my place? ‘’

‘’- Your place sounds fine- ‘’ Kanra put off his cigarette on the ground, and the two of them stood up; ‘’- I’ll take my makeup off and come here after my shift. See you then.. ‘’

 

‘’- See you ‘’

 

 

Ch 2.2; _My heart listened to him like it listened to a bird of summer._

The next day, Shiki came to the meeting place couple of minutes earlier. He sat to the same bench and started waiting. After a while, he saw two people –one was Kanra; even without his usual appearance, his distinguishably pale skin colour was handing him out. The other seemed to be a young man in a black suit, he was shorter than Kanra- they were leaving the main entrance of the club.

Kanra saw him too, he gave a little wave to Shiki, then extended a backpack to the shorter male before walking towards the park;

 

He was carrying a leather jacket on his shoulders, completing his all-black look; ‘’- So.. this is the original product- ‘’ He smiled and pointed himself, displaying the two silver rings on his thumb and index winger; ‘’- I don’t know what you were expecting but people still mistake me for a lesbian ‘’

Apart from the joke, he was right. He had a.. very androgynous _feel_ to him. _It was like the notion of gender didn’t exist for him, he could be whoever he wanted._

_Maybe that’s why Shiki found him so.. liberating. He had so many layers to him._

 

Shiki gave a little smile, then before the two started walking, he pointed the pavement across, where the young man in black suit was walking with the backpack Kanra gave him earlier; ‘’- Who’s that? ‘’ He asked nonchalantly.

 

     -‘’ Well.. _she_ is Erika-‘’ Kanra started explaining but Shiki _had to_ stop him;  
     -‘’ _She? ‘’_  
     -‘’ Yep.. she’s a drag king, _and_ my roommate. I gave her my wig and clothes and she’s taking them to our apartment. ‘’ His answer made Shiki look back at Erika, he had an impressed look on his face;  
     -‘’ You two are good y’know.. in your.. jobs. ‘’

 

Shiki’s house was at a street little outside of Kabukicho. He offered to take a taxi but Kanra refused, so they walked and conversated at the same time;

     -‘’ I wonder who I am I speaking to tonight ‘’ This was Shiki’s way of asking Kanra his real name. The other was quick to grasp the intention, he smiled playfully and recited a series of names;  
     -‘’ Nakura, Arashi, Mawaki, Yuuki.. Izaya.. whichever you choose.. ‘’  
     -‘’ Izaya..- ‘’ Shiki said, then repeated the name couple of times; ‘’- Sounds good to ear.. Izaya-san..’’  
     -‘’ San?.. I’m your prostitute for the night babe, you don’t need to add –san or anything- ‘’ Izaya frankly said, then asked; ‘’- What’s _your_ name? ‘’  
     -‘’ Shiki. You don’t need to add anything either then. I don’t mind. ‘’  
     -‘’ Really? I’m flattered ‘’

 

They passed a bar where _Nowhere Fast_ from _The Smiths_ was playing in a musicbox. Izaya accompanied to the English lyrics, he had a cute accent. He continued to hum the song even after they were far away from the bar.

 _‘..And if the day came when I felt a natural emotion_ _, I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump in the ocean…’_

_And when I'm lying in my bed_  
_I think about life And I think about death_  
_And neither one particularly appeals to me_  
_And if the day came when I felt a natural emotion_  
_I'd get such a shock I'd probably lie_ (…) ''

 

* * *

 

After arriving to Shiki’s house, they walked to the bedroom and sat on top of the sandstone coloured bedsheets; To enjoy the quiet of the neighbourhood at this isolate hour of night.

It was a wide bed they were sitting on, covering the half of this small room. And the only source of light was the faint yellow of the bedside lamps at the two sides of the bed. It gave a sense of privacy to the atmosphere, Izaya liked that.

 

As they were taking a smoke break, Shiki paid him beforehand. Izaya didn’t count the money and put it straight to the inner pocket of his leather jacket; He knew Shiki had a class, and he knew the amount was more than enough even by the feel of it on his fingertips.

He then put his hands –that were lacking the fake nails of yesterday- in between them and leaned towards Shiki’s face; ‘’- So.. I feel like you are a man who’d be into this.. sadism thing that’s popular nowadays.. You know.. whips and chains and all that..’’

The absurd and almost comical way he told these made Shiki hold back a laugh; ‘’- No- ‘’ He said, extending his cigarette to the glass ashtray on top of the drawer and putting it off; ‘’- You’re a person, not a slave. ‘’

 

 _As now they were knee to knee and hand to hand,_   _Izaya felt like something sacred was going to happen instead of something ungraceful._  Shiki lifted his hand to Izaya’s ink black hair and tucked a piece of it behind his ear.

_Do you know that ‘stare’ before the kiss?, that look down onto the lips.. He did that, then drew closer, but his movements were as slow as the eclipse._

 

Just before he was going to kiss, he asked; ‘’- May I? ‘’

 _And didn’t Izaya’s heart flutter like a fucking butterfly?;_ ‘’- Of course..’’ He replied, releasing a warm breath onto Shiki’s _so very close_ lips.

 

They tasted each other, Izaya had such lips that one just wouldn’t get enough of kissing; Shiki’s hand was sliding inside Izaya’s hair like he was slipping down an invinsible lace black _mantilla._

When they stopped, both were out of breath, but Shiki’s lips were still on top of Izaya’s. He then looked at him carefully, inviting the other to read the look inside his eyes; _‘ Should we continue? ‘ He was asking._

 

Izaya joined their foreheads together; ‘’- Let’s go to the wild side, baby ‘’ He whispered and started opening the buttons on Shiki’s shirt.  He took the clothing off and ignored the ink that was _carved_ onto Shiki’s left shoulder, _because that was something to ignore_. If one thing, it would be a taint eating him out. It was too heavy on this body that exactly reflected it’s age. Another thing was also, too heavy, too real right in front of Izaya’s eyes;

 

Izaya brought his slightly cold sylphlike fingers to the thin scar on the right side of Shiki’s neck. It was barely visible, but was telling too much despite it’s _invisibility._

Shiki dropped his glance slightly downwards, but put his own hand on top of the one on his neck; ‘’- It’s.. It’s nothing- ‘’ He said; ‘’- Nothing important. ‘’

 

‘’- Okay. ‘’

 

As Izaya was preparing himself with the lube Shiki extended to him, Shiki himself stripped down to his boxers. _And then they were both on their knees, chest to chest, Izaya’s fingers trailing the bone on Shiki’s back.._ Shiki felt something of a calloused skin at the back of Izaya’s waist. He dropped his head a little and saw _it_ in the dim of a cheap bedside lamp. _Izaya had a scar too._ That caught him surprised, he lifted his right brow and looked at Izaya’s eyes;

 

     -‘’ It’s nothing. Nothing important ‘’ Izaya answered the unspoken question with the same sentence Shiki just gave him, but he sounded more strong, more certain. Even if he was lying, he was lying good, Shiki thought;  
     -‘’ Okay. ‘’

 

They made love, in this faltering Saturday night, Shiki lost himself inside Izaya’s fragrant skin. A drop of sweat trailed down from the side of his forehead as he buried his nose inside his hair and murmured; ‘’- You’re beautiful..’’

‘’- I am I..? ‘’ Izaya playfully giggled, then lowered his fingers to Shiki’s boxers and checked the thing under there; ‘’- Ooh I am glad you’re not lying. ‘’ The other snorted at that.

 

And in the final stage, on the silk of the bedsheets, like a mad man chanting a made up prayer, Shiki uttered Izaya’s name to the night, to the stars.. _As_ _they folded in an out_.. in and out.. in and out..

 _Mulberries that are fallen to the ground,_ _Warm sunrise on top of the sea, orange, red, and black.. That’s what Shiki saw inside the other’s eyes as they gifted one more hit to the sorrow, and shuddered in ecstasy._

 

_Izaya moaned, it was a thin, diaphanous note._

_._

_._

And climax.

* * *

 

 

After the storm, Shiki told Izaya he could stay if he wanted, and Izaya gladly accepted; Because it would be dangerous to walk in this hour, and taking a taxi would be expensive.

 

Izaya slept, Shiki didn’t. As he was looking at Izaya’s full lips that could make many women of Kabukicho jealous, he traced the little sparks of glitter he had stuck inside his hair and lashes. A sentence came into his mind.  A sentence his foster father told him;

_‘ You know.. he could be the worst motherfucker on the earth, but when a man falls in love, Shiki, he gets softer. He touches more carefully y’know.. When you fall in love, you say that person’s name differently; Like it’s something sacred inside your mouth..’_

_‘’ Aah.. Did I fell in love?-‘’ I thought, as I brought my shaky fingers towards the person sleeping right beside me. Something must have gone wrong in the heaven, because this fallen creature didn’t look human at all.._

_‘’ Did I fell in love, is that it? ‘’ I internally recited, then an abrupt urge to cry emerged like a wave in my chest; ‘’- Should I?- ‘’ I asked myself; ‘’- Do I have a right to do that? ‘’_

_I touched him, so carefully; ‘’- Izaya..’’ I breathed out his name, ever so silently, careful of not disturbing him. He needed sleep you know.. It’s not an easy thing to work your ass off in a nightclub then sleep with a random fucking guy in exchange of money._

_‘’ Aah, Izaya..’’ I brought myself near him like a child._

_’ Would you love a mad man, Izaya? ‘’_

* * *

Ch 2.3; _Maybe._

 

Izaya woke up to the distant sound of radio, and then became aware of the smell of breakfast; Both coming from the other room. He vacantly stared at his surroundings as he tried to wake up for good.

The sheets on Shiki’s side were folded, even the ashtray on the nightstand was emptied and clean. Everything looked neat except for the bedside lamp that was still on.

 

‘ _He must have forgot to turn it off-_ ‘ Izaya thought to himself as he turned it off. He then took the clean towel on top of the bed and walked to a door that he expected it to be the bathroom. He was right.

He took a quick shower, dressed and picked up his leather jacket from the chair of wooden writing table. Even the table was neatly organized, Izaya peeked at the name of the novel standing on top of it; _It was an English copy of_ _Crime and Punishment by_ _Dostoyevsky._ There was also an English dictionary right next to it.

 

Then with the morning’s first cigarette hanging loosely in between his fingers, he leaned to the door and looked _at_ _the man he slept with last night_ who was cutting up tomatoes behind the counter-like thing that was seperating the living room from the kitchen. _Boat on the River_ from _Styx_ was playing on the radio, Shiki seemed to be enjoying the song as he occasionally murmured the lyrics. He didn’t become aware of Izaya.

 

So Izaya just stood there and watched him, Shiki was so _into_ whatever that he was doing.. It was like.. _he was living in a world just inside his head, where no one else was there_. The song finished and the energetic voice of the presenter started talking;

 

_‘ Well, how are you listeners are in this sunny Sunday morning? Don’t forget that we’re taking requests and messages today on Radio Murakami. Just send a message to the number ….’_

 

With a smirk on his face, Izaya took out his phone and quickly sent a message to the said number of the radio station;

 

_‘ Ohh we're getting requests already! Let’s see.. a listener named Kanra-chan requests ‘Walking on the Moon’ by The Police. That’s a good one, yes, and here’s her message; ‘ –Ne, don’t always listen to depressing songs, it darkens the soul y’know. And would you please turn around, Shiki? ‘ Well, I don’t know what that means but I read it anyway-‘_

‘’- Wait.. _the fuck_?-‘’ Shiki put down the knife on his hand and turned around to see Izaya bursting out a laugh. When he understood, he too, shook his head and laughed silently; ‘’- Ohayo ‘’

‘’- Ohayo-‘’ Izaya stopped laughing and pulled himself together. He then pointed out the extra plate on the table with his head; ‘’- Is that for me? ‘’

‘’-Yes- ‘’ Shiki replied, then turned back to his work; ‘’- If you’d like to, of course. ‘’  

 

 _Well, he wouldn’t say no to free breakfast._ Izaya pulled a chair and sat down, he watched Shiki’s focused movements, and gave his ear to the radio;

 

_‘ Aaaand, we’re not stopping the pace and continuing with an anonymous request. This one is  ‘ Wandering’ from Hako Yamasaki. Our listener gifts this song to all the people that are longing for their hometown..’_

 

Izaya lit up an another cigarette. _Well, he longed too. But he was never going to be accepted to that place he called his home. Never again.._

 

_‘’Without a hometown, I am_

_Just merely walking on this path now_

_The town that I loved_

_is my new hometown’’_

Shiki sent an evasive look to the man smoking a cigarette with eyes that were just.. plain sad now; _‘ Are you missing something, Izaya, Is that why you were crying at that park?‘_  Shiki thought to himself. Then decided to start a conversation;

''- So.. is this .. what was it called, _crossdressing_. Did it started as an hobby or something? ‘’

 

Izaya quickly slipped out from the deep thoughts inside his head and put on his bright smile back.

He replied the question with a riddle; ‘’-  What is the thing that is beyond women and men, beyond ethic, culture, tradition, and beyond notion? ‘’

 

Leaning his back to the vanilla granite of the sink, Shiki thought the answer for some time, then asked; ‘’- What is it? ‘’

     -‘’ God. ‘’  
     -‘’ Oh. Do you want to be a God? ‘’ Intrigued, Shiki walked to the counter and crossed his arms on top of it, leaning slightly forwards.

 

‘’ – Well..- ‘’ Izaya crossed his legs and started talking; ‘’- There are many opinions on what God is and.. what he does.. For example, let’s take Nietzche. Even though I find his thoughts on women quite distasteful, I think he did a good job killing God- ‘’ He swirled his hand in the air and closed his eyes; ‘’-  And then there are ones like Spinoza.. Very, very positive.. Like honey, how the fuck you’re so _.. lively._. He says all there is, is God, but that means we’re practically fucked..’’

He went on for some time, Shiki could easily say that he enjoyed talking. Izaya then saw the impressed and a little shocked look on Shiki’s face and raised his brows in a playful manner;

 

‘’- What? I am a night worker, but I am not illiterate y’know, I used to read philosophy very much. Just like my ex-boyfriend used to say-‘’ He dramatically joined his hands on top of his heart and closed his eyes; ‘’- He used to say; ‘ _You’re my sophisticated, intellectual slut, Kanra.._ ’ –‘’ He then abruptly stopped and looked at Shiki; ‘’- He could work on his word choice though..’’

 

Shiki laughed on that. It was a long, voiceful one. It contrasted the natural lines he had near his eyes; ‘’- You do have one or two screws that are loose, Izaya. Right? ‘’ 

On that, Izaya slapped a hand to his mouth in an exaggerated manner, and changed his accent to a French one; ‘’- oooh _monsieur_ , my _monsieur_ , You call me crazy but I am afraid you raised a toast for a cat last night ‘’

 

 

They did a long, rich breakfast, then drank couple bottles of beer before preparing to leave for the day. As Shiki was cleaning the breakfast table, Izaya stood in front of the little buddha statue, he lit up a candle and prayed. He then looked at the photograph right beside the statue; ‘’- Is this your father? ‘’

 

‘’- He’s my foster father. I.. lost him three years ago. ‘’ Shiki replied, then walked beside Izaya as the other was pointing out an another photograph where two men – _one was Shiki’s father, but both had tattoos on their arms._ \- And two children – _one who was short and really thin, Izaya concluded that was Shiki. The other one was tall with a wide smile on his face_ \- were visible; ‘’- So that’s how you’re not a _chinpira_ but a respected young member of Yakuza? ‘’

 

‘’- Yes- ‘’ Shiki nodded and looked at Izaya; ‘’- They really trust you when you have no one. ‘’  But then he stopped and seemed to be re-considering his sentence. Because he lifted his finger and pointed the taller child on the photograph;

‘’- And that’s Ren. We grew up together. He is a lazy fuck, but he’s more than a brother to me, if that’s a thing. ‘’

 

‘’- I see..’’ Izaya dropped his eyes in a feeling that he was _just a little over the line_ , but this man beside him was very.. _enthralling_ , and a little unbalanced, maybe. But that was needed in his profession, _man like him would lose their minds in order to stay sane._

 

His attention then went to something else inside the room, causing his red eyes to sparkle ; ‘’- Was that your father’s? ‘’ He asked and excitedly walked towards the oldschool record player. Shiki nodded and opened the cabinet full of recordings; ‘’- It’s still working, you can pick a recording ‘’

Just a little unsure, but definitely _wanting_ , Izaya took out bunch of recordings to his lap. It was definitely a rich collection. After a while, he exclaimed; ‘’- Yep, this one. ‘’ He then prepared the player and put on the recording of _Ella Fitzgerald’s Summertime._

.

.

Izaya seemed to be _living_ the song, because when the song finished, he sighed like a person coming out of trance, and carefully put the recording back to it’s holder.

 

    -‘’You can have it if you want ‘’ Shiki offered but Izaya shook his head;  
    -‘’ I.. I can’t. It’s something precious. ‘’  
    -‘’ Who said you’re not? ‘’ Shiki said, all of a sudden.

 

That, made Izaya turn and look at him with eyes that were surprised,  a little scared even. As Shiki watched his pupils dilate, he thought why he was so afraid of letting someone in, afraid of wanting that someone so much, afraid of love.

 

Izaya bit his bottom lip, came closer, and put his hand on top of Shiki’s right cheekbone. He then looked right into his eyes;

 

     -‘’ You’re dangerous ‘’ He said, with a little spark of interest. Maybe that _magnet_ worked in two ways. Shiki lifted his right brow;  
     -‘’ Maybe. ‘’ Izaya huffed a laugh on that, then abruptly turned to take the pen and little notebook at the side of the record player;  
     -‘’ But you know what..-‘’ He wrote something onto the paper and spoke at the same time; ‘’- I play at this band at Tuesday mornings. We cover songs, jazz, rock, pop whatever we feel like that day. And that girl I told you earlier, Erika. She plays bass and I play guitar-‘’ He explained briefly and handed the paper to Shiki; ‘’- Come see us at the bar ‘’  
     -‘’ I would like to. ‘’

 

Izaya threw his leather jacket onto his shoulders and walked towards the door; ‘’- Then I’ll put _Boat on the River_ to the setlist, for you. ‘’

 

 

‘’ _Even I can't_

_Show my heart to a gentle man_

_I met on the unknown town_

_Yes, it's just how myself is right now..’’ -Hako Yamasaki._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, how was it? I think these characters are more ‘complex’ and ‘deep’ than the other ones in my other story ‘House of the Rising Sun ‘. It think something good will come out of this. 
> 
> And you might ask ' why didn't you wrote the smut scene a little longer, Shannyn? ' Well.. apart from the fact that there are 2165479 shiki/izaya smut out there, the focus wasn't on the sex, as you saw there. But it will be, in the ongoing chapters. 
> 
>  
> 
> References;
> 
> 1\. The morrocan boy, and el hombre invisible; Is a ‘salute ‘to the author William Burroughs. I learned a lot from his writings, firstly, to write what is in front of my eyes, without being afraid. And he has the most unique writing techniques I must say.  
> 2\. ‘ Radio Murakami’; Is a reference to Haruki Murakami’s first novel ‘ Hear the wind Sing’ I recently read it, and it inspired me a lot when starting this fanfic. I also like how.. simple and ‘enough’ Murakami’s writing is. 
> 
> List of songs that I need to credit to; 
> 
> Madrugada – Stories from the Streets  
> Frank Sinatra- Strangers in the Night  
> The Smiths- Nowhere Fast  
> Styx – Boat on the River  
> The Police – Walking on the Moon  
> Hako Yamasaki – Wandering ( and lemme link the translation; https://lyricstranslate.com/en/wandering-wandering.html, without this, I would need to translate it myself :’))) )  
> Ella Fitzgerald – Summertime 
> 
> If you have anything to say, to ask, to know about or to fangirl about.. My inbox is open just like my heart. See you in the next chapter.


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